Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Always Wear Flip Flops

I should know better- having been unpleasantly caught off guard numerous times before- than to ever walk around barefoot in my own home. This morning felt full of promise, with a steady hissing of rain soaking the earth and spraying the house. I had been hoping for a day like this- a day to hunker down and just chill out with the kids. I gave Princess Commando and Henry the option of skipping Art Camp today. They both took me up on the offer. They rolled back over in their beds to catch the last golden threads of their dreams and I went downstairs to make coffee. While standing at the kitchen sink, my foot sank into something- I don't know how to put it eloquently- chunky. I retracted my foot in the same manner you would if you had stumbled upon glass, hot coals or, in this instance, cat puke.  I hopped on the clean foot to the cabinet to grab a disinfectant wipe for my sullied foot and then scraped the cat yak off the floor. The morning had been so full of promise, but cat puke (in two separate locations) made me feel beat down.

More frequently than I would like, my mornings have been unfolding this way. There is invariably a cat gift bestowed upon me at the breaking of dawn. Typically it is cat pee on the basement floor- just a few small kitty steps from the litter box. If you have never smelled cat urine before, I envy you. The overpowering smell of ammonia is enough to take your breath away and knock you over. They are not sick- we've had them checked and re-checked. We scoop the boxes several times per day. They have their own room- with privacy- where no child or other creature can get to them. Nothing much has changed in their lives to warrant this deviant thinking outside of the box. It is such a defeat to have a house that smells like cat. When looking for a home, we passed up many solid and handsome structures because the smell of cat had permeated the walls and floors.

Every day, The Mr and I assert at least 20 times "When these cats die, there will never again be a cat in this house!" Who am I kidding? These cats are never going to die. They will still be around when I am in my 90's hovering at the threshold of death's door. One of them (probably the curmudgeon-y Siamese) will be more than happy to 'humanely euthanize' me by taking a geriatric catnap on my face when I am too weak to move her (she has been vying for my throne since we moved in together 15+ years ago).

They do have their fine points-but, I can't recall any right now. I am too unhappy with them at the moment to give them credit for this morning's reminder to be wary of falling into complacency. It is when you become too assured that you end up stepping off the ledge into a deep expansive valley or into cat puke. So, remember to always wear flip flops in the house (and be mindful of where you are stepping).


  1. i really like your illustrations, they are funny and cute :)

  2. I know all too well the feeling of stepping in cat puke. My siamese (who has been dead a few years now, rest her soul).. used to puke EVERYWHERE... oh and POOP too! She had such a sensitive stomach, and I had even found dried up little turds in my laundry basket before. To say the least, I wasn't impressed.

    My other cat Lucky, who is 18 years old this year, used to poop right beside his litter box. I read that if you have multiple cats that it can be a dominance thing.. sending a a "here is my poop, smell it and fear it." kind of vibe. Do you have more than one feline?

    Hope your day gets better. I'm on days off and the weather sucks. Booooo.

  3. I can SO relate!!!! I will NEVER have cats again! But by then as you, I won't be alive.... Mine are only two...... ugh. Pee, a stray poop and puke - one of those once a week. Not to mention food crumbs and hair. BUT after you read my post today, you will understand that I will take this from my cats any day after what we found this morning.

  4. I feel your pain. That week our cat ran away was the happiest week of my life.

  5. Thank you all for commenting.
    @ Melanie: "Here's my poop, smell it and fear it." That should totally be on a t-shirt. Our Siamese is definitely the puker. That unmistakable sound of her revving up to puke has woken us out of the deepest sleep (even when she is 2 floors below us). I want to blame her for the peeing too. But I just can't be sure. And since it did happen at our former home when we had different cats, I am inclined to think it was her back then too. That or she just pisses off other cats and makes them pee.

    @Kristen: Your story (your post from yesterday) definitely has me beat by thousands of miles. I still cannot believe (I mean I do believe, it's just so astoundingly gross) that someone would be so sick to do that on/to your property.

    @ Emily: I was actually thinking of you and the week your cat left when I wrote this yesterday. The other day the back door was open wide and I knew the cats were still in the house. But, I couldn't help imagining how nice my day would be if they both just decided to walk through the open door and take a little vacation.