This
installment of A-hole in One was sent to me by Karen Song, a blog reader from Northern Virginia (DC Metro). This story, involving her
teenage daughter, Kate*, is about a shift in perspective and perception after a
brief stumble from the deceptive ways of a class A A-hole, a juggler who really
dropped his balls. I chose to post this piece because we often preach
to our girls the importance of girlfriends- we study it, we have research
behind the benefits of nurturing our female friendships. And yet, we
still fall short in supporting the idea of a community of girls/ women
continuing to support each other and look out for one another outside of our
intimate friendships. There often seems to be a quiet acceptance of the idea
that in order to pull ahead in a our competitive world, girls, as they mature,
must be especially competitive with each other, undermining each other, accepting
an uneasiness or mistrust of one another
instead of celebrating each other’s accomplishments or developing a legacy of
sisterhood. Here is Karen's story:
My
daughter Kate, a junior in high school, is a really sweet kid. She is 16
and is still a bit shy and insecure but really seems to be coming into her own.
And she is really blossoming in terms of her appearance and the boys are
starting to take notice. She is on the cheerleading squad and a few
months ago a boy named Aaron who is a star football player approached her after
cheerleading practice. After chatting for a bit, he asked her out on a date.
She was thrilled beyond belief! This would be her first date and
she couldn’t believe he even knew who she was. But then after a phone
conversation or two, she didn’t hear from him. The days went by and he never
followed up on the date that he had set. She was crushed, though not
totally shocked, since her friends had warned her that he was a bit of a jerk.
Then, to add insult to injury, she discovered he just started dating
another girl named Valerie who is very pretty, popular and, well, rather buxom
too. Fair or not, she was quite resentful toward Valerie and bitter over the
whole situation. She also declared to me that she now hated all girls with big
boobs.
Well
anyway, one day during lunch at the cafeteria, Valerie stopped by Kate's table
to talk to her. She asked if it was true if Aaron stood her up, which of
course Kate confirmed. Then Valerie told Kate that she wanted her to
watch something. Valerie walked over to Aaron's table where he was with
all of his football buddies. There was a brief exchange between the two
and Kate overheard Natalie say "you don't get to juggle women!"....and
then SMACK!....Valerie slapped his face and walked off.
Aaron sat there
in disbelief, rubbing his cheek. Kate took this all in and of course enjoyed
every second of it. Valerie then came back to talk to Kate and told her that
the slap was for disrespecting Kate. She told Kate that she also told Aaron
that she no longer wanted to date him because he was not a gentleman.
Kate was blown away by all of this.
This has been the gift that keeps on giving
as the girls are now good friends. I’ve met Valerie and she is a lovely girl.
She is quite intelligent and has been accepted to Dartmouth
I was also contacted by Valerie who was happy that
I was sharing their story.
She wrote, “Also, I feel a need to explain myself a bit, since my reaction
that day probably seemed overly dramatic, harsh, etc. It's hard to
describe the swell of emotions I felt at that moment. The very idea that
I was dating a guy who treated women like toys was so disturbing and made me
feel "dirty" if you will. I felt I needed to send a strong
message that his behavior was unacceptable.”
* All names have been changes
