Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I don't mind if he's here

Tank tops and old man socks
Unwashed summer copper hair
His stinky lair
I don’t mind if he’s here

I don’t mind if he is only starting to look for work
Instead of working
He works for me
Always wrangling the little one (a full time job anyway)
Anticipating when to get her out of my hair

I don’t mind that he doesn’t have a huge desire to get his  driver’s license
That he’s only just learning
I’m relieved that he’s not manning a vehicle by himself
Out of sight, on the road with lunatics
Away from me

I actually don’t even mind if his room is the black sheep of bedrooms
If he reeks
If he eats all of my gluten free cookies
and he’s not even on a gluten free diet
That he stays up late
Wakes up late
Grumbles in response to my suggestions about his life
That he doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life

He’s only sixteen.
In a few months we’ll be filling out college applications
It’s a good thing our funds are all spoken for by our bi-weekly household needs
He can’t get too far away yet
He doesn’t want to

There’s time for working and driving and leaving
And showering so that you’re clean enough to attract a potential mate
I still have so much teaching to do-
How to wash laundry, make doctor’s appointments, order food at a restaurant ( that doesn’t serve chicken fingers); really scrub and disinfect a room; really take care of a dog (scratching behind the ears is only scratching the surface); balance a checking account and a meal; budget time; make difficult choices about relationships, finances, health; know when to call the plumber; shop for Christmas and birthday presents; listen to the women in his life and not try to fix them; live an authentic life- live and work and breathe with integrity…

The list goes on and on

I just need him to be solid and steady when he goes out on his own
To come home willingly when the call comes
And take care of me
one day

but for now, I don’t mind at all if he’s here

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