tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37828918563851977222024-03-14T00:19:54.053-07:00THIS HOUSE GETS CRAZY AT THREE O'CLOCKEssays and illustrations inspired by experiences parenting four children (16 years old, 14 years old, 10 years old and 3 years old).Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger24413tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782891856385197722.post-35122715130742281472014-06-10T06:15:00.000-07:002014-06-10T06:16:33.819-07:00beach glass<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been a while. There have
been so many stories. But, they are not all mine to tell. There has been my
story- a mother watching, a wife waiting. But even that story, right now, is a
mountain that seems insurmountable.</div>
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The winds of change are opening the windows to whisper new
truth- which as softly as it seeps in, strangles my heart. And, at the same time, it propels me forward to keep fighting, as mothers do, to problem solve- to
find answers- to kiss the wounds.</div>
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My son has struggled. For a long time. He is older now. But
he is so fragile. Fixing his problems no longer means providing a distraction,
a present, a carrot to lure him away from places of self-doubt. It no longer
means that my words are the gospel- just because I’ve been on the earth longer.
Honestly- though I struggled in my youth in my own way- I have not had to scrutinize my intrinsic identity as he now must do
in order to arrive at a place of self-acceptance. How can I really know what he
is feeling? My empathy does not inspire his trust that I know what the hell I’m
talking about when I try to assure him, <i>It
gets better</i>. His acceptance of and peace with himself, with his identity,
with his awareness has to come from within. But, oh how I wish there was a
magic wand. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FUpCBOqk-M4/U5cC5BcoA4I/AAAAAAAAC0g/7nwNmNvaZxU/s1600/henrybeach+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FUpCBOqk-M4/U5cC5BcoA4I/AAAAAAAAC0g/7nwNmNvaZxU/s1600/henrybeach+copy.jpg" height="512" width="640" /></a></div>
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One night he sent me a message via text: <i>Why do you love me? Because I’m your son?
Maybe you love who I used to be and you don’t want to let go</i>.<br />
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I gave him a list of adjectives describing the qualities I
admire and enjoy about him. But he threw them back- doubtful that they could be
true because he felt like he was being sucked into a fathomless darkness. I
told him: <i>You are going through a rough time- it’s unsettling for you right now.
But just like the jagged pieces of a broken bottle on the beach- after you get
drawn into the water, tossed around a bit- smoothed out by experience, time, understanding- you are going to be an amazing piece of beach glass</i>. </div>
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He used to comb the shoreline as a child- in that hunched
over shuffle- looking for the best pieces of beach glass. Holding each piece up
to the sun- admiring the way the color was further illuminated. </div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LkrTJR7nCZE/U5cD_e_PmcI/AAAAAAAAC0o/aRTcJgDh5aQ/s1600/bluepiece+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LkrTJR7nCZE/U5cD_e_PmcI/AAAAAAAAC0o/aRTcJgDh5aQ/s1600/bluepiece+copy.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An illustration from when he was much younger.</td></tr>
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We are on a
path now-toward healing, toward helping him live an authentic life. I will
continue to walk along beside him. I love him for everything he is, of course I
do. I knew when I brought my children into the world that I could not place
them in a mold and expect them to stay put. I knew I had to be open to their
perspective, their interests, their sense of self. I have hope enough for both
of us. He will be the most glorious piece of beach glass.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782891856385197722.post-50672265773488928232014-04-02T12:12:00.000-07:002014-04-02T14:57:17.937-07:00Choose to Refuse: One Year Later<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><i><span style="color: #444444;">Over the past year, through a
grassroots movement, parents, educators, administrators, scholars, community
leaders and politicians from New York State have banded together to bring awareness to the dire
need for change in our public school education system and to demand a more thoughtful,
evidence based approach to getting standardized testing done right. Refusing the tests is
the most media attractive and sensationalized component of the movement- but
truly it is just a small piece of the larger body of work that is being carried
out in the quest for fair education and testing for all of New York State's public school students. Many people have asked me why our family Chooses to Refuse. This is my best attempt- in the midst of a new cycle of testing- to explain some of the reasons behind our stance . If you would like more information about test refusal, please </span><a href="http://www.nysape.org/refusing-the-test-resources.html" style="color: #674ea7; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">click here.</a><span style="color: #674ea7; font-weight: bold;"> </span></i></span><i>If you would like to
read more about how current education reform imposed by the State Education
Department is affecting our children, please <b><a href="http://partnershipforsmarterschools.org/"><span style="color: #674ea7;">click here</span></a></b></i><i><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">.</span></b></i></span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0e89tGxpLnM/UzxYMksLBwI/AAAAAAAACv8/8Pxu_t7Hcvw/s1600/photo+3small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0e89tGxpLnM/UzxYMksLBwI/AAAAAAAACv8/8Pxu_t7Hcvw/s1600/photo+3small.jpg" height="400" width="305" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Standing up for what we
believe is not always easy. Or in my 6<sup>th</sup>
grade daughter, Annalee’s case, sitting and staring* for her beliefs has been an
uncomfortable yet valuable exercise in civil disobedience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Annalee will sit at her
desk for 1.5 hours, three days in a row this week with her hands folded quietly
on her desk- contemplating her classroom surroundings, drawing upon her
imagination to occupy her mind, and devising goals for the remainder of the school
year. She will sit there,
the lone dissident in her classroom, while her classmates complete a grueling 5
hours of testing for NYS English Language Arts Assessments this week. She will
sit again at the end of the month for an additional five hours as her
classmates complete the Math portion of the NYS Assessments. Annalee, like her
older brother last year, has chosen- with our support- to refuse the tests this
year. While she feels lonely in her stance, she is not alone. The latest
tally reports that 26,006 3rd-8th grade students in <st1:placename w:st="on">New York</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">State</st1:placetype> and <st1:place w:st="on">Long Island</st1:place>
have joined in a movement to protest high stakes testing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Critics of the Choose to
Refuse (otherwise known as Opt-Out) movement accuse parents who refuse of coddling our children. They claim that we do not care about our
children’s education- that we don’t want our children to be challenged. They
ask, <i>Don’t you want to know if your kid
is making the grade?</i> They assert that we are ignorant. Some of Annalee’s
classmates heckled her after yesterday’s test- calling her stupid for her
decision. But after hearing the facts and seeing the bigger picture, she feels strongly (albeit painfully) that this is something she needs to stand up for- for <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">ALL</st1:placename> <st1:placename w:st="on">New York</st1:placename>
<st1:placetype w:st="on">State</st1:placetype></st1:place> students. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">We protest
because our children are more than just a single digit score. My child is
challenged appropriately and thoughtfully every day by a very competent and
compassionate teacher who has implemented an engaging and rigorous curriculum
across all subject areas. We value the knowledge and expertise of our teachers-
as professionals- to guide our children along a pathway of success and
opportunity. We receive quarterly report cards which indicate that she is doing
quite well. We have a solid line of communication to her teacher- who spends 5
days/ week with her, recognizing and accommodating her strengths, weaknesses,
her emotional triggers, as well as the things that inspire her to succeed. My
faith is in her teacher to let me know whether or not she is ‘making the grade.’ Annalee’s
performance on one set of very flawed, unreliable and unproven tests does not
truly inform of the depth, breadth and mastery of material she has learned or
the areas which need additional support.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /> </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">We protest
because the State has placed an undue burden on our children by designating
their performance on high stakes tests as a hefty determining factor of the
quality and ability of our talented and dedicated teachers (or for that matter,
those teachers who still have much room to grow). Governor Cuomo has maintained
that these tests do not count-that they will have no bearing on student matriculation-
that parents who are worried about the tests can sigh in relief. Yet, our
students’ performances on these high stakes tests are tied into their teachers’
Annual Professional Performance Review (APPR). I would say that these tests do
indeed count for something- a big something. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;">We protest because v</span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">aluable learning time has been stolen from our children in order to
prepare for the Assessments. </span><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Ten years ago children were subjected to 625
minutes of testing. Today 3,200 minutes is devoted to testing- longer than the
bar exam or tests administered to prospective city police officers. One third
of classroom hours are spent preparing for tests. Teachers are spending less
time teaching and more time collecting data which impacts teachable moments in
the classroom. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Through this <i>drill and kill</i> style of test prep and assessment, we have witnessed
the stamping out of our children’s innate love and curiosity of learning. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">We protest
because the tests are flawed and developmentally inappropriate. Last year’s tests
did not even reflect the new Common Core model from which the assessments are
based. </span><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;">In ELA,
for instance, students will take multiple days to read, interpret, dissect, discuss
and then write about a selection of text in class. Yet on last year’s ELA Assessments, students
were expected to process the same length of text in the severely abbreviated
time frame allotted. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br /><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><br /><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">We protest because one- size- fits-all tests
are inherently inequitable. This type of testing does not take into account the
learning disadvantages of special education students or non-native English
speakers- many of whom have recently immigrated to our country. There is certainly
no provision which allows for a comprehensive view of the ‘whole’ child. One of
our <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Buffalo</st1:place></st1:city>
Public Schools was deemed a Priority school (a failing school) because of poor
performance on state tests. But the State had no regard or sympathy for the fact
that 75% of the school’s population was comprised of non- native English
speakers with very unique learning needs. </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">We protest
because there is no evidence to support the use of high stakes test in
determining whether or not a child is college and career ready at the age of 9,
10, 11, 12, 13 years old. </span><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;">There is an
overall lack of reliability, transparency, validity. In the past, standardized
tests were used to determine strengths and weaknesses of student performances.
Now the tests are sealed and sent back without providing to parents, teachers,
and administrators diagnostic or prescriptive information to address strengths
and weaknesses about student performance. Last year, teachers were required to
sign an affidavit before the tests were sent back to <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Albany</st1:place></st1:city> which stated that they would not speak
of the content of these tests or they would risk losing their jobs.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br /><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">We protest the $2.2 billion being spent on
testing in NYS, which has become a financial burden for school districts across
the state, especially impoverished districts like the <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Buffalo</st1:placename> <st1:placename w:st="on">Public</st1:placename>
<st1:placetype w:st="on">School district</st1:placetype></st1:place>. We are
facing cuts to the arts, athletics, after school and enrichment programs in
favor of funding a very narrow curriculum of Math and ELA. </span></span></span><br /><span class="usercontent"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="usercontent"><span style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just because we do not support the idea that there is any value in<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>excessive</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>testing does not mean that we do not
believe in the best education for our children. We simply believe in MORE
education for our children- more specifically, we demand a more equitable
education for ALL students. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I worry that if we continue to accept the status quo of State mandated assessments (and all that surrounds them),
our children will be forced to abandon the necessary critical thinking and
problem solving skills that are essential to live, work and cope in the real
world- to truly become college and career ready. We need a better, more
comprehensive way to evaluate our students’ progress, achievements and
challenges. </span>I want my children to be
afforded every opportunity for academic success and growth- allowing them to
reach and exceed their potential- to keep striving for answers to the questions
that surround them- to keep seeking new ways to improve upon ideas, to
innovate, to gain a better understanding of themselves and the world around
them through the process of learning rather than process of finding ONE right
answer to a question. And we will continue to Choose to Refuse until a fairer and more effective evaluation system for ALL children is developed and adopted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> <i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*Our school district has enforced the punitive position of 'sit and stare' to deal with students who have chosen to refuse to take the NYS ELA and Math assessments. Other districts are more lenient and accommodating, taking refusers to a separate location to read or study during the examination period. You may read our superintendent's letter and the thoughtful response by Buffalo Teacher Federation President, Phil Rumore by <span style="color: #674ea7;"><a href="http://www.btfny.org/press/press_release_4_1_14.pdf" target="_blank">clicking here</a>.</span></span></b></i></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782891856385197722.post-80436990975851863472014-03-14T05:22:00.002-07:002014-03-14T05:22:24.074-07:00The Rule of MarkersThe Kid wanted juice. She started to follow me to the kitchen but she was distracted by a sparkly pack of markers on the table. "Oooh, can I draw with these?" Blerg, who left those there? I quickly assessed the package: Washable. Non-Toxic. Her last creative venture with <b><i>non</i></b>-washable markers resulted in head to toe body art. I could handle washable.<br />
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Our new baby, Bridget, a three year old pitbull mix whom the kids affectionately refer to as Pigbat (due to her insanely large and batty ears and her piggy snorting) is usually at my heels in the kitchen. I didn't realize that she hadn't followed me.</div>
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In reality, I came back from the kitchen to find The Kid spit cleaning Pigbat's head to erase the evidence. And, really she only had enough time to sneak in two purple lines on her forehead which blended with her muted brindle coat. I don't doubt for a minute that if given a little more time to herself, she would have 'tatooed' Pigbat's entire body. The Rule of Markers is Never Walk Away from a Kid with Markers.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1